Accountability…
When I resigned from being the connections pastor at my previous church, one of the ministries that I worked with was helping men overcome addiction to pornography. After leaving, I found that the built in accountability I had there faded away. Tonight, I am meeting with a man who would like to start a new group at NewSpring on their Greenville campus. We aren’t meeting to plan a new group. We are meeting to be accountability partners for each other. If something bigger comes of this, I will be thrilled. More importantly, it encourages me to remind others that accountability is VERY important in the ministry, and even for those of us who are no longer “in the ministry”.
Pornography in the church…
Filed under: Encouragement, Pornography, accountability
Those who follow this blog know that one of the areas of ministry that I find challenging but very worthwhile is working with men to help them overcome pornography addiction. Many people seem to have the idea that these men are drunks who skulc around in back alleys and go spend their evenings in XXX theaters. The truth is, they are husbands, pastors, lay church leaders, students, professionals(In the normal sense of the word). They are men who are struggling to overcome an addiction that is just as tough to kick as drugs or alcohol. Someone asked me earlier today what I do for these guys? So here it is. They need two things. #1. Accountability! When trying to overcome an addiction especially one as personal as pornography or any sexual addiction, the first step is to have someone in your life who can ask you the tough questions. #2. A personal relationship with Jesus Christ. A couple days ago, I wrote on my blog about having missed my morning devotions. That is super critical for the addict! Days that start with God are days in which it is much easier to resist temptation. Days without God leave you fighting it on your own…which is how we got into trouble in the first place. When God is the center of your life, then overcoming any addiction is easier. Without Him in your life, it is nearly impossible. I have friends who have kicked Crack, Heroin, Cocaine and Alcohol addictions and they will tell you the same thing.
Hope this post helped someone out there. If you need help, feel free to contact me. And if you want to help others, the best thing you can do is be that accountability partner. For more info on being an accountability partner, check out a blog I wrote in July of last year. Also for accountability software and help sites check here.
Confessions of a Blogger/Pastor
Filed under: Body of Christ, Book Review, Direction, Encouragement, Fear, Pornography, Random Thoughts, Repentance, accountability, healing, leadership, personal growth, reading
I just finished reading Craig Groeschel’s book, Confessions of a Pastor. It surprised me in a good way! I expected it to be a decent book. I enjoy Craig’s teaching and the articles he has written that I have read. I must admit, it was the first book by him that I had picked up. I read it almost all the way through last night…finally about 3:30 in the morning, I decided that the book would still be there in the morning and I needed to get some sleep. It got me thinking, which is part of Craig’s motive for writing the book, that I am as guilty as he is about not taking off my mask and trying to let people see the new and improved me instead of letting them see the “real” me. As he “confessed to me” through the book, I found myself wanting to talk out loud to him saying, “I am right there with you!” I have been in church since the week after my parents conceived me, yet it wasn’t until November 28, 2003 that I finally broke down and gave myself 100% to God! Why did I wait so long? I had said a sinner’s prayer when I was three years old. Was it real? I thought it was, but was my life bearing fruit of someone sold out to God and crazy about reaching the world for Jesus Christ? I can answer that for those who didn’t know me…it wasn’t! I was a “convenient Christian”. What about now? Each day is a new struggle. I have previously blogged about having had a pornography addiction and leading the pornography addiction recovery group at church. So how do I admit that there are days when I just want to give up on almost 6 years being porn free? There, I admitted it. (Yes, I know that giving in would destroy my witness, it would cause problems in my marriage, it would end my ability to be an effective pastor and leader in the church, it would take away the credibility I have built with the guys who talk to me about their own addictions…) Yes, I know that stuff…and yet there are days when I don’t feel as close to God and don’t feel his love. I know HE is still there watching out for me. Yes, there are days when I wake up tired on Sunday morning and don’t want to go to church. (And the senior pastor is an incredible leader and speaker! I love the worship band! I just want to stay in bed.) Do you ever have those feelings? Comment away!
And if you are struggling with a pornography and/or sexual addiction, feel free to contact me privately. If you are a pastor, I really encourage you to do so! If you don’t want to talk to me, get an accountability partner! Very, very few men/or women can kick the habit alone without the help of a friend.
Thoughts on the last weeks.
Filed under: Direction, Encouragement, Fear, Pornography, Recovery, accountability
Sometimes we humans sin just from our own stupidity and human nature, and sometimes Satan is gunning for us. I just want to mention an interesting “coincidence” from the last few weeks. A while back my pastor asked me to start a pornography addiction recovery group at our church. At first, I thought, how in the world do you get guys to come to a group like that? But then, after praying about it and talking to my wife about it, I agreed. Two weeks ago, we had our first meeting of “Monday Night Porn Talk”. Here is the interesting part. Almost immediately, the level of e-mails inviting me to visit singles and/or porn sites arriving in my inbox went up drastically, and those are just the ones that got through the filter! So, why am I sharing this? On one hand, keeping a low profile is easier, but when we begin to challenge a stronghold of Satan not only outside the church, but one he has IN the church, I do believe he gets upset and fights back. The great thing is that our God is much more powerful than Satan can ever hope to be! We already have victory over him through Jesus Christ. So if you feel like Satan is keeping you from doing something that God has asked you to do, I am encouraging you to do it! And while Satan will retaliate when provoked, our Lord God is not challenged at all by the forces of darkness. Thanks for reading. Sorry I haven’t posted in a week or so.
Monday Night Porn Talk
At my church, we are starting a new ministry called “Monday Night Porn Talk”. My personal opinion on the subject is that it is killing marriages and families. I had originally thought the room would be filled with married guys who are scared of losing their wives to divorce if they don’t get a grip on the habit. I am realizing that I was quite naïve! We haven’t even started yet, but just having let the church know that the ministry will be starting in a couple weeks has had men from teenager to senior citizen asking if they can attend, or letting me know they will be there! If you want to get something going in your church, or if you already have a pornography addiction recovery group, I would love to hear from you. The following information comes mostly from www.safefamilies.org
Here are some groups that are online to help with pornography addiction recovery.
Pure Intimacy – www.pureintimacy.org
Focus on the Family’s section on sexuality, including sections for ministry leaders, couples, and parents. The website has many articles and resources for addressing the issue of pornography.
Blazing Grace – blazinggrace.org
Biblically-based website and ministry addressing the epidemic of pornography use, providing help for those who struggle and support for those affected by pornography users.
XXXCHURCH.COM – www.xxxchurch.com
Billed as the number one Christian porn site, this ministry tackles the issue of pornography head on with irreverent and in-your-face presentations. xxxchurch offers, among other resources, Porn Sunday, a holistically constructed event-based program to help your church confront the issue head-on.
Porn-Free.org – www.porn-free.org
With many articles, resources, and online studies, porn-free.org is a content-packed site designed to help people discover the truth about pornography and sexual addictions.
Beating the Bunny – www.beatingthebunny.com
This website has numerous resources for parents and pastors in helping young people acknowledge and overcome struggles with pornography.
Morality in Media – www.moralityinmedia.org
A national, not-for-profit, interfaith organization established in 1962 to combat obscenity and uphold decency standards in the media. This site features articles and information about how to fight obscenity in the media and the detrimental effects of pornography on society.
Overcoming Temptation (Webcast) – safefamilies.techmission.org/webcasts/temptation
Learn about the structures to set in place, the groundwork to be laid, and the direction to take for your recovery work. Learn to embrace ongoing habits for a new lifestyle and what to do when temptation is strong and things are very stressful.
A guy commented on my other post on pornography asking if I am familiar with accountability software. Just to give a quick response to that, if you want to check these out, I am not endorsing or condemning the following programs, just letting you know they exist.
X3watch
www.x3watch.com
• Free
• Ministry of xxxchurch (www.xxxchurch.com)
• Regularly sends list of questionable web visits to
selected recipients
• Best free monitoring software
• X3watchPro version available for $14.95; includes tech support
Covenant Eyes
www.covenanteyes.com
• $74.99/year or less
• Pricing for households/ministry staff/business
• Regularly sends list of ALL web visits to selected recipients, with objectionable sites highlighted
• Most widely used monitoring software
ComputerCOP
www.computercop.com/homeprods.html
• $19.95 for download
• Scans computer files and Internet history for potentially
offensive material
• Deluxe version ($39.95 + S&H): includes keystroke
monitoring, scans chats and emails, expanded
dictionary of key words
Parents CyberAlert
www.itcompany.com/cyberalert.htm
• $39.95 for download
• Free trial
• Records email, IM, websites, keystrokes, file access,
screen snapshots
• Website, email, chat, IM blocking
• Games & applications alerts & blocking
Guardian Monitor
www.guardiansoftware.com
• $39.95
• Monitors websites, email, chat, IM, p2p applications
• Records keystrokes & downloads
• Website blocking
Chat Checker
www.chatchecker.com
• Free
• Records instant message (IM) conversations
• Login online to review IM conversations from within the
last 24 hours
• Receive daily usage summary via email
• Receive alerts to dangerous conversations or watch-
words via email
Pornography Addiction Recovery
Tough subject today. But if you doubt it is a needed one, just check out a couple statistics. A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event. Maybe you are a pastor saying to yourself, yeah, but those guys were just the non-Christian friends who were invited to promise keepers. Over half of evangelical pastors admit viewing pornography last year. There are countless statistics that I could add to this page. If you want more for your own research, click
. Our God is an awesome God and he can help anyone recover from sin of any kind. I am sure there are testimonies of men or women who laid there sin on the altar and God took away all desire to look at pornography from them. I will also let you know, that is not the normal way it seems to go. Satan is a liar, and as long as he can keep the addict thinking that his or her sin is secret, then he has power over them. Just like any other addictive sin, the first step is admitting you have a problem. The second and more important step is admitting it to another human being who can hold you accountable! When that second step takes place, Satan no longer has the same hold on the person’s life! Does that mean that after that, recovery is easy? NO! But it does mean that the person is no longer alone in their struggle. Pastor’s and Lay leaders, if you are reading this and are thinking, Man, he is describing me, but if I tell anyone, I will lose my job or my position in the church! Find someone to hold you accountable! It is a tough step. If there is no one in your community you can talk to,email me and we can set up a time to talk on the phone. It isn’t perfect (unless you live in Pickens County South Carolina), but it is a step. I will probably blog more on this issue in the future. If it makes you uncomfortable, I am sorry, but it is something that is destroying families, marriages and churches across America! Remember, just because you are sinning doesn’t mean you “lost your salvation” it just means you need to ask forgiveness and then “go and sin no more.”
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